Part of our series of posts presenting imaginary Android phones.
It should not be taken seriously.
Ever wanted a Chuck Norris phone? We do, sometimes. So we thought about it, and here’s what we came up with.
First of all, the handset runs a very special edition of Android, developed by Google in collaboration with Chuck himself. Google doesn’t want to give this OS a certain number version, so it just calls it Android Ultimate. One of the main features of the OS is a unique software button that looks like a fist. This allows you to summon Chuck Norris just as Aladdin would summon The Genie. But be careful, it only works once in a lifetime, so the moment when you need Chuck must be chosen wisely.
Manufactured by Motorola, the Chuck Norris Android phone is IPinfinity-certified. Of course, IP∞ didn’t exist before this handset. Chuck tested its water resistance when he spent a weekend relaxing in the depths of the Mariana Trench at 10,000 meters below the sea level. He also tested the phone’s toughness by dropping it on concrete from the top of Sears Willis Tower. Needless to say, the handset survived and worked flawlessly after the tests. It actually performed better, because, just like Chuck, it’s made to get better after every challenge.
The phone sports a 4.5-inch screen with scalable resolution. What does that mean? It means you can set up the resolution to be anything from HD (1280 x 720) to WQUXGA (3840 x 2400). The chipset inside the device will upgrade itself each time a new wireless technology is available. So when 5G, 6G and all the future Gs arrive, your Chuck Norris phone will be ready for them. The CPU is an 8.888 GHz eight-core unit. The chipset and the CPU were launched in 2025, and Chuck traveled to the future to get them.
Instead of letting you Google in order to find stuff on the Web, the Chuck Norris phone lets you Chuckle. Chuckling almost immediately brings what you’ve searched for to your current location (doesn’t work when you Chuckle Chuck — because, as we said, he only comes when you press the special fist key).
Here’s what the Chuck Norris phone looks like in its normal state (it can change its shape, so you shouldn’t judge it by this design):
- 12 Gigapixel camera with thought focus (you just think about where you want to focus, and it’s done); there’s also virtual telescopic zoom – perfect for various occasions, like taking great quality pictures of the Moon surface… from Earth.
- 8GB of RAM, and infinite internal memory
- non-removable battery that recharges itself when you yell “CHARGE!” into the phone
- 10,000 pre-loaded Chuck Norris jokes and facts, including: << Chuck Norris invented the iPhone when he was 2, but got bored of it after 3 seconds, and decided to donate it to the first person who’d answer a phone call made by dialing a random number. When the random call got through, little Chuck’s left year clearly heard a “this is Steve, make it quick” on the other end. The rest is history. >>
Unfortunately, the Chuck Norris phone isn’t available for purchase. It’s gifted by Chuck to whomever he thinks is worthy of having it. We’re now going to write a long email to him to present the reasons why we deserve having one.